FRED AND JON'S WEDDING PAGE

If you are reading this, you probably already know that we got hitched.  This page contains a few mementos and a picture or two. The above is actual proof to all who can't believe it, which probably includes us, and is not entirely definitive only because on the back it says, "Souvenir marriage certificate."  I guess it will do for now.  The uninformed may wish to skip to Jon's wedding announcement, and everyone else will probably just want to look at the pictures.

If you'd like a little more background first, jump down to Jon's Wedding Announcement (and Fred's accompanying disclaimer).  I have also produced a little e-memento that will count the number of days, hours, and minutes that we've been married.  It has been created in haste, and the hours and minutes occasionally express themselves in negative values, but they are at least accurate.  Click here to launch or download it.  Otherwise, begin...

THE PICTORIAL JOURNEY

Here we are at the wedding chapel inside the Orange County courthouse.  Anna, our Deputy Commissioner of Marriage, took the picture.  The liscensure and ceremony took 24 minutes.

 

The reception:  We went for breakfast at Norm's in Santa Ana.  This picture was taken by a random patron.

 

Wedding pictures:  We'd noticed, while visiting an Egyptian display at the Bowers Museum, that lots and lots of couples had their wedding pictures taken there.  We passed it on the way to Norm's and thought, "What the heck?"  This picture is taken by a docent.

 

In a concession to tradition, Fred both displayed and tossed the garter.

 

The garter was caught by E.D., who was after all the only single female at the reception.  She also doubled as maid of honor and best cat.

 

One logistical difficulty was that we didn't really have a ring for Jon.  He borrowed one from Fred, but it only went one knuckle deep, as displayed above.

 

Our honeymoon was to be at Joshua Tree, and on the way we stopped at Morongo, where they had a gift shop inside of the enormous brontosauraus.  Fred is smaller than she appears in this picture.

 

Inside the brontosaurus, we were able to buy a ring that fit!  It cost $3.50 and is shown here.

 

Sadly, the honeymoon was dealt a blow when the bed ended up taller than the bride.  Fred's feet almost reach the floor in this picture....  Dr. Suess would have titled this picture "Fred on Bed."

 

Jon displays what marriage is likely to be like.   Sisyphus had it good...

 

Another contender for the garter showed up, but couldn't wrestle it from E.D.

 

Fred made Jon hike, and this is the horrible aftermath...

 

Fred herself remained admirably upright for the duration.

 

At Joshua Tree, we stayed at a "cottage" called "Wilson acres."  It was guarded by Cowboy Charlie.  The wedding vows were put to an early test, as Fred is shown here flirting with Charlie.

 

Fred's second favorite desert plant was the Bigelow Chollo cactus.

Fred's FAVORITE desert plant was the Ocotillo.  Here is the wedding trivia question: Can you tell what Fred is doing in this picture (answer below)?

 

The wedding vows face a second challenge when Jon and the Maid of Honor are caught on the couch together in a position of compromising intimacy.

That pretty much exhausts our clever caption capacity, but we did take a bunch more snapshots.  A complete listing of wedding pictures is here.

(Answer to trivia question: Fred is BEING an ocotillo)

JON'S ANNOUNCEMENT

Pretty much, we eloped.  Here is Fred's disclaimer of Jon's announcement:

"DISCLAIMER: The unrelated introspection and and self-serving jokes expressed below are solely Jon's doing. Fred neither endorses nor necessarily agrees with the following announcement, and wonders if this really bodes well for the rest of the marriage. As a contrast, this is Fred's wedding announcement."

Here is Jon's wedding announcement:

"You are receiving this note because I care about you deeply, which means that either (a) you know and appreciate my sense of humor, in which case this letter might make some sense to you, or (b) you are related to me, in which case it won’t.  Mostly, I want to apologize to people in the latter group, partially because I alienated most of our extended family at the age of 10 with an editorial in The Salt Lake Tribune, but mostly because you were good enough to invite me to all the major events in your lives.

I will begin by mentioning, with unabashed pride, that the last time I convened the Executive Council for the College of Communications I was wearing a pair of sandals, a Hawaiian shirt, and a name tag that read: “Hello, my name is Sylvia.”  Perhaps it was when I was almost barred from my high school graduation for wearing a “Jesus Saves” t-shirt under my graduation gown that I first began to sense a congenital aversion to formality.  My father summarized the point I am trying to make best when he said: “You are the only person alive who could make a graduation gown look dumpy.”  With the benefit of years to reflect back, I feel that an unmade bed is the metaphor for my life.

So, about this marriage thing.  If I can make a graduation gown dumpy, imagine what I’d do to a tuxedo.  I’ve never really enjoyed an event where nachos couldn’t be an entrée.  To get to the point directly, I can’t imagine that anyone else could plan a wedding that I could stand, and I couldn’t imagine planning a wedding that wouldn’t offend most everyone else.  By way of example, I have several close male friends who would get testy if I picked as my best man my female cat.  I could not, on short notice, find an officiator who would let me state my vows to a heavy metal beat, and Lamp-post pizza wouldn’t let me register there.  Some form of eloping seemed like the best route.  Fred and I filed our paperwork on April 26, 2002, at the Orange County courthouse, and we took a weekend at a cottage in the desert to relax.  Now we’re married.

What do you do with a mid-life crisis?  I’ve decided that the only noble course to take at this point is to heroically refuse to age gracefully.  We didn’t have a ceremony, but it’s not because we don’t like our friends and family.  I think we’re just weird, and here I’m speaking mostly of myself (although I will note in passing that the ultra-orthodox component of Fred’s extended family makes us look downright conventional), and a public ceremony didn’t seem like the right thing for me.  I’m really happy with the way the weekend worked out, and I hope that you’ll all have a chance to come out and visit some time.  Now that we’re official and all we’ll probably start crocheting doilies and join the PTA, so we’d love visitors.

Thanks to all of you for all your support over the years, and I look forward to the next time we get to meet!"